There is only one certainty in life- shit gets weird, and then it gets weirder. The term “funhouse dungeon” was one that I kept coming across for early TSR adventures, and if one thing is abundantly clear, Jaquays’ The Dark Tower is packed with parts that fit right into that term. I like how it just asks the players “stop asking why this is here and just accept that it is there.” Are its parts interconnected in any way other than or is it an arbitrary pastiche of crazy dungeon ideas? Oh, it’s the latter, muthatrucka, and that’s part of its mastery. Because if the follow up question were “is there any through-line in all of this megadungeonry?” The answer would be yes. There are a lot of wild, interconnected pieces. Just accept that most of the weird shit is going to be for the sake of itself and your amusement.
The night started with the party narrowly escaping a giant (maybe inspired by Indiana Jones) boulder that had started zipping along inside the circular hallway they were camped on. This led the party south towards a corridor with a number of tempting options. Ultimately, the party opted for the side with a group of orc guardsmen.
Notable details about the fight with the orcs:
- After springing the orcs trap and narrowly avoiding some crossbow bolts, Calvert proved a lethal Orc slayer. Its that human-sized leg- it gives him a spring to his jump.
- Nick misfired a Sleep spell and knocked most of the party out. Comical, but not Tragical, results ensue. These are some orcs after all. And Calvert was seriously laying a hurt on them.
The party opted to proceed the other direction. This is where things got weird. Nothing weird about an orc ambush in a fantasy RPG. No ma’am. That’s filler. Nope, what came next was a room that, at its center, held the statue of a white-bearded, giant blue-skinned warrior, wearing [checks notes]…
- yellow knickers
- ornate green vest
- fancy purple shirt
- red pillbox hat
Oh, and he was holding a broom.
The party explored the chamber, which had four exits in cardinal directions and one shaft going down by the west exit. After a few rounds, the statue became animate and announced “give me your belts!” At the same time, the doors to all the passageways closed. The party did not choose to argue with the statue or ask it questions, and what ensued was a trading of belts. For Mighty Sam (as he is known) gave a belt for a belt. And since no one denied him their belt, it was a peaceful exchange. Except, of course, for the cursed belt.
Most of Mighty Sam’s belts are mundane. But not all. No, for he also has 3 magic belts. And the good news is one of them isn’t even cursed! Just not the one that Nicklaus got. Nope, that one has a minor curse of blindness. And shit, Nick didn’t make his save. This left the party with a blind wizard and some new-to-them belts of unknown origin. But the doors opened, and the party continued west.
West led to a chamber filled with disgusting smells and a dingy looking bunk area. Unfortunately, north of that is where the goblin army waited, prepared by the noise of the previously stated events. The party entered there with a bravado that would have made General Custer’s men blush. But unfortunately for the goblins, while Nick got filled up with their arrows like some tragic cosmic joke over and over, the party persevered. And eventually the goblin morale broke, and they scrambled away.
Ok. Goblin ambush isn’t that weird either. But not every room can be Mighty Sam. That would diminish a beautifully surreal moment. Which, I can assure my players, there are many more of in this mega-set of megadungeons.
